Practicing Gratitude When Things Feel Difficult

When you’re in the middle of something painful — loss, exhaustion, uncertainty — “just be grateful” can feel like an impossible ask. Gratitude is often framed as a posture of positivity, but real gratitude isn’t about pretending things are okay when they aren’t. It’s about noticing moments of good alongside the hard.

As a reproductive psychiatrist, I often remind patients that gratitude doesn’t erase grief, anxiety, or frustration — it can simply offer a foothold when everything else feels shaky. It gives us something small to hold on to.

1. Redefine what gratitude looks like

You don’t need to feel thankful for the hardship itself. Gratitude in difficult seasons might sound like:

• “I’m grateful for the friend who texted me back.”
• “I’m grateful I made it through today.”
• “I’m grateful I recognized I need rest.”
• "I'm grateful for the opportunity to care for myself (or others)."

These aren’t big or performative moments, they’re tiny acknowledgments of resilience, connection, or breath.

2. Let gratitude and grief coexist

The two can live in the same room. You can feel deep sadness about what you’ve lost and still be grateful for the support around you. Both emotions are valid and deeply human. When we let gratitude sit beside pain, it can gently expand our perspective without diminishing our experience.

3. Look for sensory grounding

When life feels unmanageable, start with the body. Notice one small thing that feels safe, steady, or soothing — the warmth of a mug, the rhythm of your breath, the sound of rain. This kind of mindful noticing activates the same neural pathways as gratitude and can create a similar sense of calm.

4. Practice gratitude toward yourself

Sometimes the most healing gratitude is directed inward. “Thank you, body, for carrying me through another hard day.” “Thank you, mind, for trying to protect me.” This reframing can help ease self-criticism and foster compassion, even in the midst of struggle. If you see me you probably know I'm a huge fan of self compassion work and this fits right in there.

5. Gratitude as a slow rebuild

When life feels broken open, gratitude is not the glue, it’s the thread. It doesn’t fix what’s hard, but over time, it can help weave together a quieter sense of strength.

If things feel especially heavy right now personally or in the world or both, know that you’re not failing at gratitude, you’re being human. Gratitude isn’t meant to silence pain; it’s a way of whispering to yourself, “There’s still something here worth holding on to.”

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Take care of yourself this holiday season.

-Nichelle Haynes,DO

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